The 3 D's

Making Power-Based Personal Violence Unacceptable

Power-based personal violence (stalking, partner violence, sexual violence and child abuse) will end when enough people have taken action to help end it. Change happens as each person is able to identify risky situations and take actions to confront, interrupt, or prevent acts of power-based personal violence. Bystanders who identify a risky situation are faced with the choice of ignoring it, or taking action. Here are a few ideas for taking action.

Three D’s to Try

Once you have assessed that you can safely intervene, you can try to distract, delegate, or direct. The following examples apply to a potential situation where someone is targeted for acquaintance rape, but the techniques also apply to other situations of power-based personal violence.

Distract

This technique involves causing some form of distraction that will interrupt the flow of potential violence.  Once the bystander identifies a high risk situation he or she goes to work to distract either the target or the one about to do the violence. Some examples would be ask one of the people to help you find a lost item, interrupt to ask for directions,  spill a drink, or start talking to the couple and don’t leave so isolation cannot happen. An easy technique women can use is to invite another woman to go to the bathroom with her. Once she is away from the other person, check in and ask if she is afraid or needs help. One male student noticed a woman was frowning and looking uncomfortable with the attention she was receiving from another man. He went up and asked the other man, “What are you doing with my girlfriend?” The woman played along and soon the other male left.

Delegate

When a bystander doesn’t feel safe to approach the situation alone, she or he can involve others. An example of this would be to say to one’s friends, “I am concerned for that person. Can you find their friends and get them to check on the situation, while I stay here and watch.” Another way would be to ask a bouncer at a bar to look into the situation. You could also ask the host to intervene. For example, “I am worried for that girl, who is so drunk. Could you let that guy know that upstairs is off limits?”

Direct

With the direct approach you confront either the potential target or the person who you think is about to do violence. Examples of this technique would be to say to the couple, “We are finding her friends and they will take her home.” Or to say to the woman, “I am not letting a stranger take you home.” Or to say to the man, “Hey, you can’t take her upstairs; it’s not going to look good.”

Thank you Dr. Dorothy Edwards, University of Kentucky, for the 3 D's.